you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
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it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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