i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
