Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize