Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
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