I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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