not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize