So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
