I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize