Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
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I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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