Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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