hell yes lets make some ravioli
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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