ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
