I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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