I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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