You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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