i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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