I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
