The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
