the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
