Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
