she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
