i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
operation have a gay friend backfired
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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