never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
