you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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