You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
