break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
