at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
