I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
