Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
