If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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