he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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