if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
