genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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