i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We had to coat check the pizza.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
