It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize