Sry I called you an 8
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Come on in and take your pants off
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