and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
