It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
