they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
