Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
