we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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