Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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