i just wanna soil my oats bro
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
