I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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