i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
