it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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