but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding