it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?