Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back