I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.