I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.