Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis