Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.

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(619): I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people. http://tfl.nu/8ypc

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(509): View more from Washington

I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?

(1-509): View more from Washington

talent.

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(509): I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy? (1-509): talent. http://tfl.nu/18h3

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(805): View more from California

NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??

(805): View more from California

He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.

(814): View more from Pennsylvania

You should probably go find him.

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(805): NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be?? (805): He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is. (814): You should probably go find him. http://tfl.nu/673m

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(575): View more from New Mexico

How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.

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(575): How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows. http://tfl.nu/n4qx

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.

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(832): Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night. http://tfl.nu/2nh3

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(803): View more from South Carolina

that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins

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(803): that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins http://tfl.nu/u9n2

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(609): View more from New Jersey

my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college

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(609): my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college http://tfl.nu/i5zk

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(952): View more from Minnesota

we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.

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(952): we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point. http://tfl.nu/kfea

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(281): View more from Texas

I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.

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(281): I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO. http://tfl.nu/9byh

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(678): View more from Georgia

Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before

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(678): Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before http://tfl.nu/x76s

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(951): View more from California

I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.

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(951): I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting. http://tfl.nu/326h

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(435): View more from Utah

Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line

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(435): Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line http://tfl.nu/ol2d

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(757): View more from Virginia

The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner

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(757): The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner http://tfl.nu/cdsa

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(916): View more from California

She said she liked strap-ons.

(1-916): View more from California

SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!

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(916): She said she liked strap-ons. (1-916): SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER! http://tfl.nu/41v6

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(779): View more from Illinois

He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.

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(779): He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud. http://tfl.nu/emwq

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