I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....