Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
