he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
