Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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