Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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