I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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