I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
