I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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