why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
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You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
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He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize