I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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