apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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