That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
