im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
