I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
