The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
