so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So apparently I’m into choking now
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