So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize